Touching Boundaries

Awakening to the pink heralds of dawn
stretching across the horizon to my conscious fog
and beckoning me from the soft warm shield of sleep
to take part in the day

Today was to be the first or the last
I had decided in the haze of last nightís journey
A life like a stick in the current
can float only so long
without being trapped in a backwater
or sink, or wash up on shore
It has to guide itself through the hazards
or be forever lost

Today I was to be pilot and no longer passenger
Last nightís convictions rode back on the sunís rays
and pierced the fog

The day is mine
to seize the moment and chart the journey
The end is known and matters not
Only the route and the means of travel
tell us apart

The direct course had been mine
Downhill
It was easiest and comfortable
and there was lots of company
I had felt uneasiness but dismissed it
and ignored those who gathered up
and sought other paths
that were uphill and sometimes lonely

And I wondered why, and wouldnít see
until last night
We talked
and you told me more than the words you said
I felt you reaching down to help
and I wanted to grab on
climb up
and see the world from up there

But time shortened the rope
as it steals the thread of life
and I could only gaze and wonder
when you had gone

We live in different spaces
you had said
and though sometimes their borders may touch,
but I can never come back to yours

Without joy or sorrow
I looked upon my world
and my new awareness made it incomplete
No longer would the grayness be accepted
I knew there could be more
You had opened the door a crack
and let the light seep through to blind me
to the limitations of my mind

You had gone,
but our minds talked
telling me what my child had believed
and the man ignored

And they talked into the night
touching boundaries of thought

Now I ready with the morn
The body resists,
unwilling to forsake the familiar
The seeds of failure long have been sown
and again attempt to germinate in this bed of discouragement

My consciousness has visioned only the instant perfect change
No slow transitions
No time to learn
Thatís only for mortals

So appears another chink in the shield
Another chance for the rays of wisdom to dart in
and blast my composure to reality

But, my impatience blocks the way
leaving me wallowing in the ruts of self pity

Slowly I realize each failure, each loss is tinged with light
That dim glow of awareness
shines slightly brighter with each event
The path becomes clearer
and I crawl slowly upward

That it may take forever
increases its presence in my mind
without sorrow or despair